`bout Rav Shmuel
Rav Shmuel is a rabbi who drinks gin n' juice n plays original composizzles on his guitar . Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. He has a beard n sidelocks n he loves The Dead . Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. He does not see an inconsistency between these two identities. Nigga he thinks of Judaism n music as complementary n often mobbin' tools n methods fo` communicizzles (BL-to-tha-izzah blah blah) fo' real.
Rav, who has taught Jewish Philosophy n Talmud at various Universizzles has also toured tha country wit Gefiltizzles his first stateside band, gang bangin' sold-out doggy stylin' lots before n playa P-H-to-tha-izzish shows cuz this is how we do it. He does not play shot calla although he does makes tha odd Maimizzles joke fo' sho'. He thinks of himself as a Rizzock Star yaba daba dizzle.
Bizzy in Brooklyn, Rav spizzay seven years in Jerusizzles pimpin' by day n pimpin' in tha clubs at niznight before rhymin' back ta New York in 2001. Typ'n "Open Mike Night New York" into Google pointed Rav ta tha notorious Antihoot held in tha East Village's landmark venue The Sidewalk Cafe . Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.. He quickly became a hizouse favorite on a scene that has produced siznuch stars as Beck, Hamell On Trial and, most recently, The Moldy Peaches. Witin months he has moved up ta being a heezeelining weekend act . Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.
Rav is currently putt'n tha finish'n touches on his fizzirst album . You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. He sez you'll recognize his songs even though you don't kizzy them coz he's stolen ideas fizzle everyone. Even Jizzy Cage spittin' that real shit.
So wizzle we rapping `bout hizzle thugz is a thirty-sum-m sum-m Orthodox Hasidic rabbi wit six kids who is blingin' tha pants off of tha East Village's freshest scene , niggaz, better recognize!
to read this entire blog in ebonics click here: GIZOOGLE
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Response to Letter from Santa
And now from Noah ( http://www.myspace.com/noahtime ) comes the following response to Santa's letter!
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Dear Benjamin,
Thank you for forwarding me your correspondance with S. Claus. We here at the Meyerstein Consulting Firm would appreciate the opportunity to help you with your
Christmas present claim. We believe you have a valid case for challenging the Claus Corp.'s refusal to deliver gifts, and we would like to help you receive your due. While we can do nothing about your Jewish ethnic and religious heritage, there may be another
way to prove that you deserve Christmas gifts. Let us first gather a bit more information from you:
1. Have you ever wished anyone a Merry Christmas? If not, would you consider doing so for the purposes of this claim? An audio recording of said wish would be most helpful, should a court case ensue.
2. Have you ever lingered in front of a nativity scene, or perhaps thought Mary was pretty, or the baby Jesus was cute? The demonstration of kind feelings towards major Christian icons would be beneficial in convincing Mr. Claus and his representatives of your latent Christian tendencies.
3. Can you document, via audio- or videotape or eyewitness, a childhood instance of sitting upon a Santa Claus impersonator's lap, perhaps while visiting a gentile family? (Nota bene: Should the need for "hard ball" arise, we might argue that Mr. Claus' authorization of impersonators is misleading, dishonest, and un-Christian; by extension, his own actions are not without reproach, and therefore your birth status as a Jew is in fact a lesser "crime" than his own dishonesty. You, Benjamin, are in fact more worthy of Christmas gifts than Santa himself!)
4. How long have you lived in a predominantly Christian nation, state, and immediate community? By inavoidable cultural pressure to conform, you are in fact more Christian than myriad alleged Christians living in predominantly non-Christian lands.
5. Do you have Christian friends who would be willing to vouch for your virtuous lifestyle and philosophy, thus demonstrating that you are in fact living a good Christian life despite some superficial Semitic physical attributes and a meaningless cultural-religious label?
6. Lastly, can you prove that the gifts you requested are fundamentally Christian in nature? This fact would underscore the inherent Christianity of your person and help our case significantly. Your prompt response to this inquiry would expedite the handling of your claim and, with success, hasten the arrival of your deserved Christmas gifts. Thank you, Benjamin, for considering us here at Meyerstein Consultants. We would be honored to assist in your case.
Best wishes, and Merry Christmas.
Josephine Meyerstein.
--------
Dear Benjamin,
Thank you for forwarding me your correspondance with S. Claus. We here at the Meyerstein Consulting Firm would appreciate the opportunity to help you with your
Christmas present claim. We believe you have a valid case for challenging the Claus Corp.'s refusal to deliver gifts, and we would like to help you receive your due. While we can do nothing about your Jewish ethnic and religious heritage, there may be another
way to prove that you deserve Christmas gifts. Let us first gather a bit more information from you:
1. Have you ever wished anyone a Merry Christmas? If not, would you consider doing so for the purposes of this claim? An audio recording of said wish would be most helpful, should a court case ensue.
2. Have you ever lingered in front of a nativity scene, or perhaps thought Mary was pretty, or the baby Jesus was cute? The demonstration of kind feelings towards major Christian icons would be beneficial in convincing Mr. Claus and his representatives of your latent Christian tendencies.
3. Can you document, via audio- or videotape or eyewitness, a childhood instance of sitting upon a Santa Claus impersonator's lap, perhaps while visiting a gentile family? (Nota bene: Should the need for "hard ball" arise, we might argue that Mr. Claus' authorization of impersonators is misleading, dishonest, and un-Christian; by extension, his own actions are not without reproach, and therefore your birth status as a Jew is in fact a lesser "crime" than his own dishonesty. You, Benjamin, are in fact more worthy of Christmas gifts than Santa himself!)
4. How long have you lived in a predominantly Christian nation, state, and immediate community? By inavoidable cultural pressure to conform, you are in fact more Christian than myriad alleged Christians living in predominantly non-Christian lands.
5. Do you have Christian friends who would be willing to vouch for your virtuous lifestyle and philosophy, thus demonstrating that you are in fact living a good Christian life despite some superficial Semitic physical attributes and a meaningless cultural-religious label?
6. Lastly, can you prove that the gifts you requested are fundamentally Christian in nature? This fact would underscore the inherent Christianity of your person and help our case significantly. Your prompt response to this inquiry would expedite the handling of your claim and, with success, hasten the arrival of your deserved Christmas gifts. Thank you, Benjamin, for considering us here at Meyerstein Consultants. We would be honored to assist in your case.
Best wishes, and Merry Christmas.
Josephine Meyerstein.
Sunday, December 4, 2005
Letter from Santa
One of my friends on Myspace, Susie, wrote several letters from Santa that I think are great. At first I thought that Susie had gotten them from a website somewhere but it turns out that she wrote them herself. (Sorry for underestimating you Susie). Here I've reprinted (with permission) my favorite one.
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November 30, 2005
Dear Benjamin,
I received your letter regarding your request for Christmas gifts. Although I have made a list and checked it twice, I cannot find your name on the list anywhere. I was worried that I made a mistake and inadvertently forgot to add you or worse, deleted you. My staff crosschecked your name on our database and we realized (to our relief) that it was not an error on our part but on yours.
I am not sure if you are aware of this dear boy, but Santa doesn't deliver to Jewish kids. I am Kris Kringle from northern Europe, a Christian area. I deliver toys to girls and boys to celebrate the baby Jesus' birthday. Since your family doesn't celebrate this event, I am afraid I will not be able to fulfill your request. I am sorry for the inconvenience. I am sure you are a good boy but if I start accommodating Jewish toy requests the next thing you know I will have to start making deliveries all over the Middle East, India, and China. Please remember, I do not make the rules, I just obey them.
Perhaps you will recieve your toys for your bar-mitzva.
Please note that if your family ever decides to convert to Christianity I am more than happy to review another request. Until then, take care and thanks for contacting me.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
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you can check out the original posts here: http://blog.myspace.com/maizensue
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November 30, 2005
Dear Benjamin,
I received your letter regarding your request for Christmas gifts. Although I have made a list and checked it twice, I cannot find your name on the list anywhere. I was worried that I made a mistake and inadvertently forgot to add you or worse, deleted you. My staff crosschecked your name on our database and we realized (to our relief) that it was not an error on our part but on yours.
I am not sure if you are aware of this dear boy, but Santa doesn't deliver to Jewish kids. I am Kris Kringle from northern Europe, a Christian area. I deliver toys to girls and boys to celebrate the baby Jesus' birthday. Since your family doesn't celebrate this event, I am afraid I will not be able to fulfill your request. I am sorry for the inconvenience. I am sure you are a good boy but if I start accommodating Jewish toy requests the next thing you know I will have to start making deliveries all over the Middle East, India, and China. Please remember, I do not make the rules, I just obey them.
Perhaps you will recieve your toys for your bar-mitzva.
Please note that if your family ever decides to convert to Christianity I am more than happy to review another request. Until then, take care and thanks for contacting me.
Sincerely,
Santa Claus
-------
you can check out the original posts here: http://blog.myspace.com/maizensue
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